Pirates are cool. They're bullies, they drink a lot, they get to wear an eye patch (even if they don't have a lazy eye), some of them have hooks & wooden legs (which would show they're very worldly people, I guess), they get to wear bandanas and have names like Ninnybuck Slipbones (OK, maybe that wasn't very pirate-ish, but whatever). Sometimes I'd really like to go around to places like Target or the hardware store with a parrot on my shoulder and say "ARRRGGGHHH, Matey!" and "SHIVER ME TIMBERS!" just to see how people would react.
Actually, one day right about the time we closed on our house (5.26.05, just for reference) I was wearing a plastic Batman mask around Wal-Mart as my parents, sister, and brother helped me accessorize the new house with things like welcome mats and tableclothes. Anyway, I was in a wacky mood (Jake was soon to be home from the war) and I was wearing one of these backback purses. This woman STOPS me in the aisle & says, "That's great! That's just great! We need more people in the world like you!" And I say, "Why, thank you!" and she follows up with, "What grade are you in?" I think she thought I was special ed. Still, it made us laugh then, and it makes me laugh now.
So, in conclusion, be a fruitcake once in awhile. Go out in public and do crazy, non-law breaking things sometimes, just to make people wonder what you sprinkled your Cheerios with this morning. It'll be worth it when you're 89 years old and you can't remember anything you just did, but you can remember really great stories from your past!
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Big Hucking Racoon
You all know those stupid Burger King Commercials...big bucking chicken, big hucking chicken...yes, yes...well, this is all about a big hucking racoon.
This story begins on Saturday night. Jake & a friend are watching UFC, and I have retired upstairs to go to sleep, since I have had all of 4 hours since the previous night of partying. It is 10:30 PM, and I'm just drifting off when my phone rings & it's my sister, screaming. She wants to talk to Jake....I'm so tired I tell her to hang up & call his phone, but she yells at me to just give the phone to him. I tiredly make my way down stairs and hand him the phone, and he gets an earful as well.
The situation, I find out, is that there is a RACOON in the vent/register/whathaveyou at my parent's house. Jake grabs his gun (yes, he actually grabbed his gun) and we hopped in the car (pajamas & all). When we get to the house the scene is as such: the front door is wide open, mom, sister, brother & friend are all upstairs watching the scene from above, and all the doors are closed to other rooms. Dad is ready to hand Jake his weapon of choice; a fireplace poker, a broom, or a snow shovel. I am already giggling at the absurdity of this whole scene, and Jake is already getting T-O'ed at me for thinking it's hilarious. I think he even said "If you think this is so funny, why don't you come down here yourself!" Apparently these little suckers can be vicious and harbor rabies. Ew. It was so funny watching him weilding a firepoker & shovel at this poor thing. Additionally, someone made the comment that if Jake shot the racoon, we'd have bullet holes in the floor and blood stains on the carpet, which would be really fun to point out at the annual Christmas Luminary party (since the house already looks very National Lampoons Christmas Vacation with all the lights).
So dad & Jake try to lure the critter out of the floor vent with some food - Jake bowls it across the carpet & gets it set just perfectly with the snow shovel. Then, we wait. We can see it a few times as it almost pokes it's head out - 2 little claws and a snout, but he never comes far enough out to grab the food. Dad decides it's a great idea to turn on the heat, because if he's in the vents, we don't want him moving around in there, laying little racoon babies, or getting close to the furnace. So, the heat is on full blast, we're all upstairs sweating to death, and while I'm still laughing, Jake is getting more and more agitated with me. Sister had tried calling animal control, we had called the police, and there was no luck, as the animal control people were in Dubuque and the police were tied up with important calls. We searched the phone book and found just 2 listings, neither of which answered. Jake got some numbers from the PD dispatchers for people we could call & we made arrangements with a chimney sweep guy to come out. $60 for a trip, $90 an hour. He arrived quickly with large, elbow length gloves, a trap/cage, and one of those long pole/noose things that you see on Animal Planet or Cops. I'm still laughing...perhaps it was lack of sleep, but seriously, how is a racoon in the vent NOT funny?
The boys ended up having to take apart the vent from down below, and the racoon did end up moving from one side of the house to the other. Once the Animal Trapper Man had noosed it's leg & they got it outside, it ran up into the tree & they shined a flashlight on it - that thing was a BIG HUCKING RACOON! Soon after it was outside, Jake & I returned home to our non-racoon infested home to go to sleep.
This story begins on Saturday night. Jake & a friend are watching UFC, and I have retired upstairs to go to sleep, since I have had all of 4 hours since the previous night of partying. It is 10:30 PM, and I'm just drifting off when my phone rings & it's my sister, screaming. She wants to talk to Jake....I'm so tired I tell her to hang up & call his phone, but she yells at me to just give the phone to him. I tiredly make my way down stairs and hand him the phone, and he gets an earful as well.
The situation, I find out, is that there is a RACOON in the vent/register/whathaveyou at my parent's house. Jake grabs his gun (yes, he actually grabbed his gun) and we hopped in the car (pajamas & all). When we get to the house the scene is as such: the front door is wide open, mom, sister, brother & friend are all upstairs watching the scene from above, and all the doors are closed to other rooms. Dad is ready to hand Jake his weapon of choice; a fireplace poker, a broom, or a snow shovel. I am already giggling at the absurdity of this whole scene, and Jake is already getting T-O'ed at me for thinking it's hilarious. I think he even said "If you think this is so funny, why don't you come down here yourself!" Apparently these little suckers can be vicious and harbor rabies. Ew. It was so funny watching him weilding a firepoker & shovel at this poor thing. Additionally, someone made the comment that if Jake shot the racoon, we'd have bullet holes in the floor and blood stains on the carpet, which would be really fun to point out at the annual Christmas Luminary party (since the house already looks very National Lampoons Christmas Vacation with all the lights).
So dad & Jake try to lure the critter out of the floor vent with some food - Jake bowls it across the carpet & gets it set just perfectly with the snow shovel. Then, we wait. We can see it a few times as it almost pokes it's head out - 2 little claws and a snout, but he never comes far enough out to grab the food. Dad decides it's a great idea to turn on the heat, because if he's in the vents, we don't want him moving around in there, laying little racoon babies, or getting close to the furnace. So, the heat is on full blast, we're all upstairs sweating to death, and while I'm still laughing, Jake is getting more and more agitated with me. Sister had tried calling animal control, we had called the police, and there was no luck, as the animal control people were in Dubuque and the police were tied up with important calls. We searched the phone book and found just 2 listings, neither of which answered. Jake got some numbers from the PD dispatchers for people we could call & we made arrangements with a chimney sweep guy to come out. $60 for a trip, $90 an hour. He arrived quickly with large, elbow length gloves, a trap/cage, and one of those long pole/noose things that you see on Animal Planet or Cops. I'm still laughing...perhaps it was lack of sleep, but seriously, how is a racoon in the vent NOT funny?
The boys ended up having to take apart the vent from down below, and the racoon did end up moving from one side of the house to the other. Once the Animal Trapper Man had noosed it's leg & they got it outside, it ran up into the tree & they shined a flashlight on it - that thing was a BIG HUCKING RACOON! Soon after it was outside, Jake & I returned home to our non-racoon infested home to go to sleep.
When he thinks I'm sleeping
Jake works 2nd shift, and now that it's summer, he's ALWAYS working late because there is more stuff going on in the streets, and more reports. I am almost always sleeping when he gets home. Sometimes he "talks" to me, but I am so sleepy that I have no idea what he says, or can't remember it the next day. So when I wake up the next day & ask him, he always laughs and just says he can't tell me. One night I actually heard what he said...he apologized for being grumpy lately, and he told me he loved me so much. I pretended I was asleep, but I smiled to myself, knowing what he actually said. He's super sweet when he thinks I'm sleeping!
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
"Held" by Natalie Grant
I heard the song Held by Natalie Grant on Sunday night on my way home from a Christian book group that I share with a couple of girlfriends. I sat in my car and listened to the words, and tried to take it all in. At first I didn't understand what all the song was trying to tell me. I got the jist of it, but wasn't really sure why it wasn't more hopeful, more encouraging...so I googled it & came up with this link...http://www.womenbygrace.com/spiritual-articles/when-bad-things-happen.htm
This explanation tied in very well to a conversation the girls & I had had that evening. I had talked about how difficult it was sometimes to let go of the past. For instance, Jake was overseas for a year, and gone for the first 16 months of our marriage. Somedays, it's difficult to put that behind me. Sometimes it's difficult to not resent him for not being there when I needed him most. Somedays I'm angry that my "plan" and our "plan" for our lives didn't go the way we thought it would. And perhaps the deployment was the reality check I needed.
Once in awhile I'll reflect on that experience & think about all that I gained from it - I grew as an individual, our marriage was strengthened because we only had communication to make it work those first 16 months, and I grew closer to my family and his. On the other hand, some days I think about how awful it was, and the pain, desperation, and anxiety all comes flooding back to me and I'm reminded that it was the most difficult time of my life. It was a time when I felt so alone, yet was surrounded by people the whole time. It was a time when I thought I could handle it all myself...that I didn't need to ask for help from friends, or didn't want them to know that I needed to ask for their help. Instead of reaching out, I turned in and pushed everyone away, including God. I was reading a book at the time by Jennifer Weiner called In Her Shoes & came across this line: "She could remember standing there, feeling utterly empty, as if a giant hand had scooped out everything inside of her - her guts, her heart - and left her looking the same, but not being the same at all." and felt so much like that was ME. I could relate completely with that statement. That everything in my life had changed, but on the outside, nothing looked any different.
Now that Jake is back home, and we've returned to some sort of "normalcy" (whatever that means?!) I've gotten back on the right track with my friends, and gotten back into my relationship with God. I'm learning about what the song Held talks about...how when you feel most alone, when you feel abandoned, that God is always there for you to turn to. Sometimes it's a matter of us abandoning him, and not the other way around. Sometimes, all we need to do is ask, surrender, admit that we need help...when it doesn't make sense, when it isn't fair, when we can't find our way in what is happening to us. All we really need is to be held.
This explanation tied in very well to a conversation the girls & I had had that evening. I had talked about how difficult it was sometimes to let go of the past. For instance, Jake was overseas for a year, and gone for the first 16 months of our marriage. Somedays, it's difficult to put that behind me. Sometimes it's difficult to not resent him for not being there when I needed him most. Somedays I'm angry that my "plan" and our "plan" for our lives didn't go the way we thought it would. And perhaps the deployment was the reality check I needed.
Once in awhile I'll reflect on that experience & think about all that I gained from it - I grew as an individual, our marriage was strengthened because we only had communication to make it work those first 16 months, and I grew closer to my family and his. On the other hand, some days I think about how awful it was, and the pain, desperation, and anxiety all comes flooding back to me and I'm reminded that it was the most difficult time of my life. It was a time when I felt so alone, yet was surrounded by people the whole time. It was a time when I thought I could handle it all myself...that I didn't need to ask for help from friends, or didn't want them to know that I needed to ask for their help. Instead of reaching out, I turned in and pushed everyone away, including God. I was reading a book at the time by Jennifer Weiner called In Her Shoes & came across this line: "She could remember standing there, feeling utterly empty, as if a giant hand had scooped out everything inside of her - her guts, her heart - and left her looking the same, but not being the same at all." and felt so much like that was ME. I could relate completely with that statement. That everything in my life had changed, but on the outside, nothing looked any different.
Now that Jake is back home, and we've returned to some sort of "normalcy" (whatever that means?!) I've gotten back on the right track with my friends, and gotten back into my relationship with God. I'm learning about what the song Held talks about...how when you feel most alone, when you feel abandoned, that God is always there for you to turn to. Sometimes it's a matter of us abandoning him, and not the other way around. Sometimes, all we need to do is ask, surrender, admit that we need help...when it doesn't make sense, when it isn't fair, when we can't find our way in what is happening to us. All we really need is to be held.
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