Bringing Home Baby: The Novel

This story starts on February 2nd. I had been sick with an awful cold for about two weeks and was finally beginning to feel a little better. I woke up that morning with an urge to spend money. This doesn't happen very often.

Consider that our dishwasher has been broken since September. I felt it was time to replace it. So, we headed out to Best Buy to drop some fat cash.

We walked through the aisles and picked out a nice model. And then I decided we should go look at the big TVs, as Jake had been drooling over one for longer than I've wanted a replacement dishwasher. As we headed into the TV section I looked to my husband's giddy face & before he could say anything goofy I told him, "Don't ruin this..."

We spent a long time picking the right TV: a 56 inch Samsung Slim DLP HDTV. A former high school classmate, Ben, and a dear friend, Justin, helped us in our selections. As Justin swiped our credit card for our major purchase, I made a joke out loud… “You know what’s going to happen? We’re going to get a phone call on Monday telling us we have a baby…”

Monday the 4th was my dad’s 55th birthday. I went to work and Jake had plans to meet a friend for lunch at noon. Around that time, I was working at my desk while one of my coworkers went to lunch. My phone started vibrating around 12:10… “Unknown.” I almost didn’t answer it…thinking it was probably a political call…but maybe it was by chance our social worker, or my mother in law. So, I answered it.

It was H, our social worker. She asked how I was doing & I said fine…but that I had been sick for about 2 weeks…how was she? This is how the conversation went:

H: Well…we have a situation…
Me: OK…..
H: And you and Jake have been picked by a birthmom to be parents!
Me: OK!....
H: And the baby was born on Saturday…
Me: OK!!...
H: It’s a boy…he’s caucasian, he’s beautiful, and he’s healthy. His birthmom would like to meet you and Jake as soon as possible. Would you be able to come to the hospital?

I was in complete shock. I wasn’t crying, but I was shaking…and I had to call Jake! So I called his cell and told him I was sorry to interrupt his lunch, but then I asked if he was sitting down. He said yes, so I just blurted out that H had called, we had been picked to be parents, and we needed to go to Genesis East as soon as possible to meet the baby who may be our SON! I could HEAR the smile on his face, I could hear the shock and amazement, and I just wanted to HUG him. He agreed he would come pick me up and we would head to the hospital together.

I informed my boss of what was going on, we called our parents, and then made the drive to the hospital. It was completely surreal. We still were in shock that the phone call we had been waiting for so long had actually come!
When we arrived at the hospital we sat in the car for a minute, shared some tears, some laughs, said a prayer, and then walked hand in hand into the hospital. This experience was like none we had ever had. How do you prepare yourself to meet the woman who has given birth to the child she wants you to raise? What do you even begin to say?

We met with H in the lobby of the 5th floor. She talked to us about the baby’s stats, 7 pounds 15 ounces, 19 inches long, born at 9:37 PM. She told us that his birthmom had named him; named after her two brothers. We talked about our agreement to level of openness…we had stated that we were OK with a semi-open relationship where we would be sending letters and pictures through the agency with no identifying information shared. I finally had to ask…what was the baby’s birthmom’s name?! I had been wondering about and praying for this woman for so long…WHO was she?! H told me that her name is K. It was wonderful to finally know her name.

H told us she would go back and talk to K and then she’d be back. It seemed like FOREVER. Jake and I both used the restroom about twice, we texted friends and talked on our phones and to each other…and I began making lists. I’m sure we looked completely nervous.

Finally, H came back & told us that K wanted to have her step-mom, mom & dad with her when we all met…so we had to wait just a little longer for her step-mom to arrive. But, in the meantime, she had handed us an envelope and informed us that K wanted us to have these photos of the baby while we waited. H disappeared again and Jake and I pulled the stack of photos from the padded envelope.

The first picture we saw was of K, looking tired from labor, holding her baby. They were wrapped in a tie-dye blanket. I remember one of the first things Jake said was “Hmmm…looks like you two are kindred spirit…” as I loved tie-dyed things in high school and college. We studied the pictures…at that point it didn’t seem real, but we were so grateful to have a glimpse of K and her baby. He had lots of hair and chubby cheeks, and looked perfectly newly born.

Soon, H came back with J, the hospital social worker, and they said it was time to meet K, her family, and the baby. We walked all the way to the end of the hallway. Jake and I took a deep breath, J knocked on the door & said “Ready for visitors?” and we followed them inside. K was sitting in the rocker holding the baby, and her family was sitting on the couch. We were invited in and sat upon the bed. We shook hands with everyone in the room and shared introductions, and from there the conversation just flowed. Within two minutes, K asked us “Do you want to hold him?” I looked to Jake, because it had always been my dream that he would hold our child first. He looked at me, nodded a nudge to “go first” and I held out my arms to K to receive the most beautiful baby boy. Of course, I was still getting over being sick, so I didn’t want to expose him too much. We were so engaged in conversation that it was too difficult to completely lose ourselves studying this perfect little boy. I soon handed him over to Jake, and he held him for most of our approximately three hour meeting.

We shared stories of our families and she shared a little bit about why she chose us. We shared laughter and some tears…all through lots of smiles. It was such a good feeling for me to finally know who K was and to hold a beautiful child in our arms.

That day K was getting discharged from the hospital, and so was the baby. We felt the best decision was for the baby to go to interim care for the week while the paperwork was signed. The end of our afternoon in the hospital was very busy with nurses and discharge instructions and the interim care family coming and everyone packing their bags…I made sure that K didn’t want some alone time with the baby…the afternoon had been pretty overwhelming and there were many people in and out of her room. She said she had had lots of time with him over the weekend, but inside it just broke my heart that this might be the last time she would see him in a very long time…At this point, we had agreed to semi-open, which meant we could exchange letters and pictures through the agency, but probably wouldn’t be meeting up or contacting each other directly.

When everyone was ready to leave the hospital, K, her step-mom, the 2 social workers, the interim care mom, the baby, Jake & I all walked out together. We stood in the little alcove bundling the baby up while the interim care mom went to pull her car up. We gave K hugs and she gave the baby a kiss, and then she turned and walked out of the hospital. I couldn’t hold it together any longer…the baby that we had prayed for and wanted so badly was here at our side, and the woman we had prayed for so long was walking away. My heart was breaking for her, and my pain poured out in sobs as Jake held me and told me it would be OK? Would she have anyone to hold her and tell her it would be OK? The baby left with the interim care mom, and we left the hospital with our packet of pictures and drove home.

We were emotionally and physically drained. Besides having a whirlwind of an afternoon, neither of us had eaten any lunch so we were tired and hungry. Once we got home and sat down, the “high” wore off a bit and we were left with feeling completely wiped out. We mustered some energy to head to my parents’ house, where we met up with them and Jake’s mom. My brother had no idea what was going on, so we were going to go tell him the exciting news. We handed him the packet of pictures & he looked through them like “What is this? A baby? Whose baby is this?” And then he caught on & was VERY EXCITED!

The strange feeling of déjà vu came over us all, as we sat around the table forming a “game plan” for the week and all the things we needed to tackle before bringing baby home. Four years prior, we were doing the same thing with our wedding. We had done wedding in a week, we could do baby in a week. We were up for the challenge. We picked out some beautiful green paint that night at Menards. As my mom, sister and I were choosing, another wave of energy wore off and I felt very sluggish and ready for bed. Instead of running more errands, I went home to catch some sleep.

Sleep never came that night. I tossed and turned all night long. I thought about K mostly. I also thought about this baby. I couldn’t say his name. I couldn’t call him ours. I didn’t know what to call him. I didn’t want to tell too many people about his existence until we knew more. I prayed he would be our son, but at that point I just couldn’t let my guard down and trust that he was. It had all happened so fast!

I worked the rest of the week. Every other day that week we visited the baby at the interim care house. Tuesday, our families got to go out and meet him…he was very sleepy and just didn’t want to stay awake too long. We had received the call on Monday (my dad’s birthday), and the baby was born Saturday night (K was laboring with him as we were making our large purchases at Best Buy). The paperwork for his birthparents to sign could not be signed until late Tuesday night. Since the time was so late, it was decided that they would sign on Wednesday instead. Well, on Wednesday we had another massive snowstorm/blizzard, so nothing would happen that day. Throughout the week, we got snippets of conversation from our social worker…things his birthparents had said, or how the process was going. All were very positive, and as the week progressed, I was able to open up to the idea that this might actually be our baby. Thursday was our 4th Anniversary. On that day, the baby’s birthparents signed the documents terminating their parental rights. After work that day we went to the interim home and spent time with the baby, then Jake and I went to dinner together and ran some baby-gear errands. By Friday, I was feeling pretty good about everything. I had chatted with our social worker earlier in the week and told her that if K wanted to be more open, that we’d be happy with that. On Friday, H came to work to talk to me. She had a letter for us from K, and I had a letter for K and the baby’s birthdad, as well as a photo CD for each of them. I couldn’t wait for her to leave so I could go home at lunch and read the letter with Jake!

When I got home, Jake & I sat down and I read the letter aloud. K told us about her family, about growing up, all about herself and things she enjoys, and then why she chose us to be the parents of her child. I couldn’t get through the letter without sobbing. There were many reasons she chose us, some being simple things like our love of music, animals, the Hawkeyes, our faith. But then she said, “I knew I had made the best choice in picking you to raise my baby when I saw Jake hold his son for the first time and the smile never left his face.” I sobbed. She, too, got to experience the moment when my dream came true, seeing my husband hold his son for the first time, and it had touched her as well. At the end of her letter, K gave us her last name and her phone number. She had opened the door to direct communication! I had included our email address in the letter to her, so I hoped she would perhaps respond to that.

On Saturday, the interim care family was heading out of town to look for a new vehicle, so we asked if we could possibly “babysit our baby” that day for them. Throughout the week, H had asked us if we were still planning on waiting the 96 hour period before bringing the baby home, and we continued to say yes. We “cleared” bringing him to our home to watch him for the day, and she let us know if we changed our minds and wanted to bring him home that day, she just needed to come to our house, have us sign some paperwork, and make sure he had a bed to sleep in and a carseat to ride in. We spent the day working on the nursery, doing baby laundry, organizing, entertaining friends who stopped by, and taking care of the baby’s every little need. Sadie got to meet him, and every tiny squeak he made, she was there by his side to check him out. It was awesome to spend the day with him, but the next day was the hardest day of the week. I finally was tired of waiting. I wanted our baby home. I felt that if his birthparents changed their minds now, that it wouldn’t be any less devastating…we HAD bonded with him whether we had brought him home or not. I just wanted it to be Monday already. I locked eyes with my mom and got teary when a baby began to cry during Mass. And I couldn’t keep it together when we sang the words to Hosea: “Long have I waited for your coming home to me and living deeply our new life…” I just cried while I sang, in front of God and everyone in the whole church. I didn’t care.

You probably think I didn’t sleep that night, but I did. I was exhausted. I got up on Monday, a week after the phone call that changed our lives, and went to work. I tied up some loose ends, and watched the clock for noon. When I left that day I was officially on “maternity leave!” Jake & his dad picked up our son from the interim care home, brought him to our house and H met us there. We signed all the paperwork, showed H his carseat and bassinette, and we were left along in our home as a family of three! On Friday, after I received K’s letter, where she referred to the baby as “Asher” I was able to finally give myself the permission to call him by his name. Our lives have been forever changed.