So I've been mulling a nursery theme over & over in my mind. Nothing was coming to me. I didn't want anything too cutesy...it's just not much our "style" and I wanted it to be something that the child won't "outgrow" quickly. Plus, I wanted it to be versatile...something that could go great for a little boy or a girl. I don't sound picky at all, do I?!
Just recently a thought popped into my mind. When Jake came home from overseas, he brought me back a wooden statue. It's not much bigger than the palm of my hand, but it means SO much to me. There is a large elephant in the middle with 2 smaller elephants, one on each side, and then encircling all of them are 4 tiny elephants. I remember thinking when he gave me the gift, "This is us...God in the middle, Jake & I, and 4 babies someday." When I think about the little wooden sculpture now, I think it's the best idea I have had for a nursery theme!
So, we're hoping to put some apple green paint on the walls, and maybe some elephants to make it a special place to bring our baby home to someday!
Monday, September 24, 2007
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Instant Mommyhood
Our American society is an impulsive one. Many of us live with a "You want it, you got it" mentality. We can go through the drive-through and have an instant dinner. We can use our credit cards and have an instant living room. We get in our vehicles & get to places quickly. We want our stuff & we want it NOW. Instant satisfaction.
The definition of "instant" is: instantaneous: occuring with no delay; blink of an eye: a very short time. We've got instant messaging, instant rice, instant downloads, instant coffee, instant win lottery, instant oatmeal, instant replay, instant power, instant flushing, instant payday loans...anything we want, we've got it at our fingertips momentarily.
Things that are "instant" are sometimes taken for granted...we turn on the tap & anticipate a flow of fresh water...but in many countries they don't have this luxury, and if they do, they conserve their water by taking minimal showers, using it only for cooking & eating, and possibly reusing some of it for other uses. Here, we expect it.
Instantaneous is easy. We crave instant stuff. Instant success, instant fame, instant wealth…it’s all highly enticing. However, I wake up on a daily basis with knots in my stomach, that usually last through the day, thinking about the fact that I could be an “Instant Mommy.”
Many people take fertility for granted. Use contraception until you’re ready for a family, get off & hope you get knocked up the first month off of it, be a happy family 9 months later. Our society thinks this way, too. The moment you step past the threshold of an altar after getting married, people are wondering when you’re going to have children. Could we at least enjoy the “honeymoon” first & maybe try to live together before adding children to the mix, thankyouverymuch? And do people not realize how invasive this question TRULY is? Sure, if you’d like an itinerary of the sexual escapades going on in our bedroom, I’ll give you a schedule if you REALLY want to know all about our attempts at baby-making!
Perhaps that is why we’ve been so open about our intentions to adopt. I’m sure we’re going to catch some people off guard who for some reason haven’t heard of our plans. One day we’ll be a family of two, the next week we could be carting around a newborn, a stroller, a diaper bag, and all of the other accoutrements that come with being a parent. If I can tell them before they ask me, I’ll have the upper hand, be in control of this situation, and not feel like my toes have been stepped on, right?
I’ve heard all manner of things from people upon announcing our “Paper Pregnancy.”
"Oh...that paperwork takes a LONG time, huh?" Actually, we're approved & waiting for a match already! It didn’t take long at all.
"Oh, you'll be waiting FOREVER." Perhaps, but it's all in God's time...and actually, I know people who were placed REALLY fast. Most people I know wait 9 months to have their babies, anway!
"Oh, the ‘real mom’ will come back & want to take the kid away from you..." Ughhhhh.....
This is not only a quest to becoming a family for us, but also a quest to enlighten and educate those who don’t know about the process of adoption. They don’t understand how important a profile book is, or how truly invasive a home study can be, or how the love that I have for my husband grows more and more each day as I watch him change though this process. They don’t understand that this isn’t just about us…it’s about an expectant mom with hopes and dreams for her child, a child who is coming into this world that deserves to be loved and cared for, and yes, about us as a couple, too. This relationship is one that will change us all forever…and inextricably link us together, always. How amazing for that child to know that he/she was loved SO much that the woman that carried him or her wanted the best life for her child? My quest, as a hopeful adoptive parent, is to share my story with others…to talk candidly about why we chose this way to grow our family, to explain how the process has worked for us to dissuade any myths and misconceptions they may have, and to eradicate the stigma of open adoption. However, I am no expert, and I do not claim to be.
Instant Mommyhood may sound appealing, and yet, it frightens me. It’s been a month of “Paper Pregnancy” and my sleep is scarce, I can’t focus, and I have a nervous stomach. The easy part for me has been the paperwork, the process, the explanations of our experience. The part that freaks me out is holding the “newborn onesie” up and thinking “WOW…that’s TINY!” and looking at the baby swing I purchased this weekend and thinking “There will be a tiny person sitting there someday.” I can’t even bring myself to the thought of purchasing and actually USING a carseat or a stroller…those things give me nightmares! The other half of it is, when a woman is pregnant with a child, she has 9 months to bond with that baby, to think and dream about will it have daddy’s nose or mommy’s eyes? Instant Mommyhood includes being handed a brand new baby and being told “This child is yours to love and care for…for the rest of your lives. Happy Instant Mother’s Day!” The idea of what we would really DO if we get the call to bring home the baby by the weekend is nerve-wracking. Would we still be able to go to Oktoberfest at the Bier Stube? Would we be able to put the crib together in time & dismantle the huge computer desk? Would we slap a coat of apple green paint on the walls or forgo it for a major Wal-Mart trip for the necessities like diapers, formula, and baby powder? I have no clue, and it’s probably not important to worry about anyway.
I’m frazzled. This cluelessness frightens me. Please pray for me…for peace, for sanity, for an open heart & mind, and to accept God’s plan for our lives in HIS great timing. Instant Mommyhood could be just around the corner…
The definition of "instant" is: instantaneous: occuring with no delay; blink of an eye: a very short time. We've got instant messaging, instant rice, instant downloads, instant coffee, instant win lottery, instant oatmeal, instant replay, instant power, instant flushing, instant payday loans...anything we want, we've got it at our fingertips momentarily.
Things that are "instant" are sometimes taken for granted...we turn on the tap & anticipate a flow of fresh water...but in many countries they don't have this luxury, and if they do, they conserve their water by taking minimal showers, using it only for cooking & eating, and possibly reusing some of it for other uses. Here, we expect it.
Instantaneous is easy. We crave instant stuff. Instant success, instant fame, instant wealth…it’s all highly enticing. However, I wake up on a daily basis with knots in my stomach, that usually last through the day, thinking about the fact that I could be an “Instant Mommy.”
Many people take fertility for granted. Use contraception until you’re ready for a family, get off & hope you get knocked up the first month off of it, be a happy family 9 months later. Our society thinks this way, too. The moment you step past the threshold of an altar after getting married, people are wondering when you’re going to have children. Could we at least enjoy the “honeymoon” first & maybe try to live together before adding children to the mix, thankyouverymuch? And do people not realize how invasive this question TRULY is? Sure, if you’d like an itinerary of the sexual escapades going on in our bedroom, I’ll give you a schedule if you REALLY want to know all about our attempts at baby-making!
Perhaps that is why we’ve been so open about our intentions to adopt. I’m sure we’re going to catch some people off guard who for some reason haven’t heard of our plans. One day we’ll be a family of two, the next week we could be carting around a newborn, a stroller, a diaper bag, and all of the other accoutrements that come with being a parent. If I can tell them before they ask me, I’ll have the upper hand, be in control of this situation, and not feel like my toes have been stepped on, right?
I’ve heard all manner of things from people upon announcing our “Paper Pregnancy.”
"Oh...that paperwork takes a LONG time, huh?" Actually, we're approved & waiting for a match already! It didn’t take long at all.
"Oh, you'll be waiting FOREVER." Perhaps, but it's all in God's time...and actually, I know people who were placed REALLY fast. Most people I know wait 9 months to have their babies, anway!
"Oh, the ‘real mom’ will come back & want to take the kid away from you..." Ughhhhh.....
This is not only a quest to becoming a family for us, but also a quest to enlighten and educate those who don’t know about the process of adoption. They don’t understand how important a profile book is, or how truly invasive a home study can be, or how the love that I have for my husband grows more and more each day as I watch him change though this process. They don’t understand that this isn’t just about us…it’s about an expectant mom with hopes and dreams for her child, a child who is coming into this world that deserves to be loved and cared for, and yes, about us as a couple, too. This relationship is one that will change us all forever…and inextricably link us together, always. How amazing for that child to know that he/she was loved SO much that the woman that carried him or her wanted the best life for her child? My quest, as a hopeful adoptive parent, is to share my story with others…to talk candidly about why we chose this way to grow our family, to explain how the process has worked for us to dissuade any myths and misconceptions they may have, and to eradicate the stigma of open adoption. However, I am no expert, and I do not claim to be.
Instant Mommyhood may sound appealing, and yet, it frightens me. It’s been a month of “Paper Pregnancy” and my sleep is scarce, I can’t focus, and I have a nervous stomach. The easy part for me has been the paperwork, the process, the explanations of our experience. The part that freaks me out is holding the “newborn onesie” up and thinking “WOW…that’s TINY!” and looking at the baby swing I purchased this weekend and thinking “There will be a tiny person sitting there someday.” I can’t even bring myself to the thought of purchasing and actually USING a carseat or a stroller…those things give me nightmares! The other half of it is, when a woman is pregnant with a child, she has 9 months to bond with that baby, to think and dream about will it have daddy’s nose or mommy’s eyes? Instant Mommyhood includes being handed a brand new baby and being told “This child is yours to love and care for…for the rest of your lives. Happy Instant Mother’s Day!” The idea of what we would really DO if we get the call to bring home the baby by the weekend is nerve-wracking. Would we still be able to go to Oktoberfest at the Bier Stube? Would we be able to put the crib together in time & dismantle the huge computer desk? Would we slap a coat of apple green paint on the walls or forgo it for a major Wal-Mart trip for the necessities like diapers, formula, and baby powder? I have no clue, and it’s probably not important to worry about anyway.
I’m frazzled. This cluelessness frightens me. Please pray for me…for peace, for sanity, for an open heart & mind, and to accept God’s plan for our lives in HIS great timing. Instant Mommyhood could be just around the corner…
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Reader Shout Out
Just curious how far-reaching my blog is. I've had a number of comments from readers, whose blogs I am now tuned into. Many of you are regular readers & commenters, which I love and appreciate. I look forward to seeing how many people my blog has touched. If you're a "lurker" will you "come out, come out wherever you are!" and post a comment for me? It's nice to know that this is actually being read, and also, as I said, helps turn me on to other fellow blog writers out there!
THANKS! :)
THANKS! :)
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
There is a reason.
I took a late lunch today, so that I could drop another profile off at an attorney's office downtown. It's a gorgeous day today...beautiful, sunny, 70 degrees, much like the Tuesday 6 years ago when terrorists hijacked planes and crashed them into the Twin Towers, the Pentagon, and a field in Pennsylvania. I drove with the windows open, enjoying the sun, the smells, the breeze on my face. I had the radio tuned to K-LOVE and heard a song I've heard a number of times before, but today it really touched me.
Caedmon's Call sings There Is a Reason. Here is an excerpt of the lyrics:
Late at night, the darkness makes it hard to see
The history of the saints who've gone in front of me
Through famine, plague and disbelief
His hand was still upon them
Cause there is a reason
There is a reason
He makes all things good
He makes all things good
There's a time to live and a time to die
A time for wonder and to wonder why
Cause there is a reason
There is a reason
There are so many things that happen to us, or to those around us, that we don't understand. Time, age, or wisdom may make our understanding grow, but there are some events that are never easy to comprehend. People sometimes question God after horrible tragedies, saying, "If He was real, if He was good, if He really loves us, how could He let this happen?" This song reminds me that there IS a reason for our pain, for questions, and our searching. It's amazing and comforting to think that He knows our plans before we do, and that throughout all of our lives, He is holding us right there in the palm of His hands!
Throughout all our days, He is with us to face our biggest trials and most blissful moments. I know that He was with Jake & I as we faced the news that we may never have a biological child of our own. But I know that He was with us, too, as we prayed about and then made the decision to adopt. And I know He will be with us when that baby we are meant to raise is placed into our arms and forever into our hearts...and every step of the way along the rest of our lives. There IS a reason we haven't been able to conceive a child on our own...it's because He has some amazing plan for us that is yet to be revealed! There is a baby out there, somewhere, that was meant for us...there is a reason. I can only dream of the reasons...but it's comforting to know that the reason is His will. And He makes all things good...
Caedmon's Call sings There Is a Reason. Here is an excerpt of the lyrics:
Late at night, the darkness makes it hard to see
The history of the saints who've gone in front of me
Through famine, plague and disbelief
His hand was still upon them
Cause there is a reason
There is a reason
He makes all things good
He makes all things good
There's a time to live and a time to die
A time for wonder and to wonder why
Cause there is a reason
There is a reason
There are so many things that happen to us, or to those around us, that we don't understand. Time, age, or wisdom may make our understanding grow, but there are some events that are never easy to comprehend. People sometimes question God after horrible tragedies, saying, "If He was real, if He was good, if He really loves us, how could He let this happen?" This song reminds me that there IS a reason for our pain, for questions, and our searching. It's amazing and comforting to think that He knows our plans before we do, and that throughout all of our lives, He is holding us right there in the palm of His hands!
Throughout all our days, He is with us to face our biggest trials and most blissful moments. I know that He was with Jake & I as we faced the news that we may never have a biological child of our own. But I know that He was with us, too, as we prayed about and then made the decision to adopt. And I know He will be with us when that baby we are meant to raise is placed into our arms and forever into our hearts...and every step of the way along the rest of our lives. There IS a reason we haven't been able to conceive a child on our own...it's because He has some amazing plan for us that is yet to be revealed! There is a baby out there, somewhere, that was meant for us...there is a reason. I can only dream of the reasons...but it's comforting to know that the reason is His will. And He makes all things good...
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Is today the day?
Every day I wake up and think, "Today could be the day." And all throughout my work and activities, I'm wondering, "Is today the day?" It's exciting, and yet anxiety-provoking all at the same time. Is our baby being conceived today? Is our birth mother choosing to go through with her pregnancy today or making the decision to place her child for adoption? Has her water just broken or is she already at the hospital?
For instance, this past week has just been crazy. 4 day work weeks sound amazing, but they aren't. They're super busy. So I've been completely stressed at work and been an emotional wreck. And every day I woke up thinking "They could tell me today that I'm going to be a mom tomorrow!" This creates the knots in the tummy sort of feelings...and honestly, I've been wondering what the HECK I'd do if they call me on a "bad week" to tell me the news.
Of course we'll be ecstatic, freaked out, anxious, scared....I still wonder things like "What do you do with the kid when you have to go to the bathroom?" or "How often do you bathe the kid?" You don't want your kid to be the stinky kid, right? Jake assures me that I don't have to have all of the answers...and that it truly will just "come natural" to me once I have a baby in my arms....Lord, do I hope so!
So, we've been talking (I mean, truly, how else can we prepare for this?) about it a lot, looking through our profile book (as if that will make expectant moms want to browse, too!), and looking at cribs. I busied myself with making a diaper cake this week for a friend's baby shower this weekend. In my (humble?) opinion....I think my first attempt at it turned out great!
For instance, this past week has just been crazy. 4 day work weeks sound amazing, but they aren't. They're super busy. So I've been completely stressed at work and been an emotional wreck. And every day I woke up thinking "They could tell me today that I'm going to be a mom tomorrow!" This creates the knots in the tummy sort of feelings...and honestly, I've been wondering what the HECK I'd do if they call me on a "bad week" to tell me the news.
Of course we'll be ecstatic, freaked out, anxious, scared....I still wonder things like "What do you do with the kid when you have to go to the bathroom?" or "How often do you bathe the kid?" You don't want your kid to be the stinky kid, right? Jake assures me that I don't have to have all of the answers...and that it truly will just "come natural" to me once I have a baby in my arms....Lord, do I hope so!
So, we've been talking (I mean, truly, how else can we prepare for this?) about it a lot, looking through our profile book (as if that will make expectant moms want to browse, too!), and looking at cribs. I busied myself with making a diaper cake this week for a friend's baby shower this weekend. In my (humble?) opinion....I think my first attempt at it turned out great!
What do you think?!
So, instead of working myself up into an emotional mess about "waiting"...I'm going to go out today to some garage sales & help make myself feel a little more prepared. Hopefully I will come upon some amazing finds!
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