Asher at Almost 3 Months...

This was us before we went on a walk the other day...

My dear friend Tif and Asher.

I think he's just adorable, don't you?!

Sadie & Asher

My friend Mimi & Asher - check out his outfit!

Cutie bear!

Elvis Lip: Thankyouverymuch!

Sleepy Huck Finn (at a baseball game)

Who thought it'd be funny to put socks on my hands at Uncle D's jazz concert?

"Lean with it, rock with it..."

I smile for ALL the ladies...

But MOM....I wanna be a HAWKEYE!

Where's Waldo...er...Asher?

In the Kitchen with Baby

This morning Asher slept in. I was up early of course, tidying up and feeding the dog. It's a cold, rainy day, and I've been waiting for the perfect time to try something new. This morning afforded me the opportunity.

I recently ran out of my favorite chai tea, and now that I've been spending more time on websites like Epicurious.com and AllRecipes.com doing some meal planning, I decided to try my hand at making my own chai tea mix.

I had purchased the ingredients on my last grocery run, and so after feeding & changing my happy boy, I tucked him snugly into his Moby Wrap facing outward so he could join the fun. I pulled out my ingredients and measuring cups and spoons and Asher & I dug into the task.

We were happily measuring and mixing, and Asher was cooing and watching my hands at work. He only sneezed once when I got to adding in the cloves! As I mixed the ingredients, a sweet, spicy aroma filled my kitchen. I had only stirred about two cups of the mixture before I had to try it myself...and OOOOOOHHHHH, the smooth, warm honey taste melted in my mouth!

So today was Asher's first kitchen experience! Asher got to learn about how 4-1/2 teaspoons equals 2 teaspoons, and I got to spend time in my kitchen with my baby boy and enjoy an amazing cup of chai....Ahhhhhhhh.......

Here are some photos of our adventure today:

Body Movin'

Monday I made an impulse buy.

I normally never do things like this, but the weather was sunshiny & beautiful and I was feeling fat and flabby.

I went on eBay and searched for jogging strollers. Then I searched locally, and lo and behold there was an auction ending in a few hours for a used jogger. So, I thought about it a lttle bit and decided to check back a few hours later to see if it was in a price range I wanted to pay for. A few hours later, the bid hadn't moved so I put in my own bid. I had about 17 minutes to wait. When there was about 2 minutes left I sat there refreshing and refreshing my browser to make sure someone didn't swoop in on my great deal. And after 5....4....3...2...1...seconds, I was the winner of a Baby Trend Expedition Jogging Stroller!

The local seller and I arranged for pickup and last night we were the proud owners of this new (to us) jogger! With the weather in the upper 70's, I was itching to get out and try it. So, after dinner last night, the hubby, baby, dog & I went to the park to try it out!

So, for all of you who remember that I made a goal to participate in a local triathlon and continue to make sarcastic remarks when I have my hand in a box of Cheezits (*coughDYLANcough*), here is a little proof that I haven't fallen off the wagon COMPLETELY. Sure, I DID fall off the wagon for the first few months after my son's birth. I have no excuses. Actually, yes I do. But hey, we were having blizzard after ice storm after subzero temperatures. And my husband was still on 3rd shift, making it impossible for me to stick with the before work 5 AM regimen I was on prior to his birth. So, now the weather is nice and my husband and I are on the same shift, so we have less excuses for our unhealthy habits and bulging butts. Hence, the impulse purchase was a good one.

Jake reigned in the dog and I got to handle the baby in the jogger. Jake got Asher situated in the stroller, and because he's still a little guy, we used the head stabilizer from his carseat to keep him upright and happy. We tucked his little blanket in around him and we were ready to go! We started with a brisk walk and then we spotted a few of Jake's coworkers, so we had to stop and chat with them for a few minutes. I was kicking myself for not having my camera, as it would have been a great opportunity to get a few pictures of our kid in the backseat of a squad car! Just kidding...

Sadie got to meet another Sadie as we walked the promenade to the fountain (and of course she got sassy) and then we actually jogged a little bit, which oddly enough, felt quite good. Asher was awake much of the time, and he was squealing and talking as we jogged along, so apparently we were having a good time. By the time we were done, it was falling dark and the baby was fast asleep. All in all, it was a good way to get back on track to a healthier lifestyle.

In other news, our little man is growing bigger every day. My sister has seen him numerous times this past week, but on Monday she said "I think he grew overnight!" Additionally, when I dropped him off yesterday at the sitter's, I didn't want to leave because I just wanted to snuggle him and hold him and play with him all day long because he's so darn cute. Well, when I went to pick him up after work, he was even CUTER than when I dropped him off that morning! Seriously. He got CUTER in a matter of HOURS! I hope to get some new pictures uploaded soon to prove this point.

So, continue to watch this blog for progress toward goals. I am not sure that participating in the triathlon this year will happen, as I've missed out on some prime months of training, but I do hope that I can make activity a bigger part of our lives, and now with the jogger, we can incorporate the baby as part of that goal, too!

Search for the Perfect Mother's Day Card

Saturday Asher & I made a trip to the mall. He was tucked snug in his Luckybug Baby Carrier and I was on a mission to find some cute shoes. I failed in my quest, but we ended up in the Hallmark store. I am always guaranteed to spend plenty of dough in that store! And of course, with Mother's Day around the corner, I did just that.

I always love browsing the racks, and have often wondered if I might be able to make a go at writing greeting cards. We walked along the mother's day section and picked out some really nice ones for grandmas and moms...and then I searched for a card for K.

What section do you find a card suitable and meaningful enough for Asher's birthmom? They have practically every sort of card, so I had no fear that Hallmark might fail me. They have "for my FORMER daughter in law" cards and "for you, who are LIKE a mother to me" cards. They even have mother's day greetings from PETS! I tell you, every sort of card you could imagine. But I cannot find a greeting to send to one of the most important women in my son's life.

Soon, a woman wearing a manager tag approaches and greets me and asks if she might help me find something. (Sidenote: This is always appreciate in a store-if I don't need your help, I will tell you, but always give me the chance to say "yes.") "Yes," I tell her, "in fact, you can. Do you have any cards for birthmoms?" She allows me to follow her down the aisle and points to one with a label that says "For My Birthmother." "This is it...." she tells me. And then she goes on...."I get one of these every year."

And thus, the adoption journey continues....as we share our story, so others feel compelled to share their stories as well. She tells me how much care her daughter takes each year in picking out a card to send to her and she smiles. I ask her how old her daughter is and she tells me she is in her 40s. She then tells me her daughter found her when she was 26, the same age as me. I'm momentarily stunned by the feeling of possibly not knowing my history, or my mother's story for my entire 26 years. She goes on to tell me that she was very surprised to be contacted by her daughter, and again I am overwhelmed by the feelings of two people wondering if the other is out there and thinking about them....I glance over the card she's placed in my hand, and see that it is a card appropriate for an adult who was adopted to send to their birthmom. I tell her thanks for showing us, but that this card would be coming from Asher by way of my husband and I, and so this card doesn't really fit the situation...she knods in understanding.

How can Hallmark not have a card for my son to send to his birthmom? Isn't she special now, and not just many years from now? To us she's very special, and always will be! A card telling her so is the least we can do to let her know...

So, Asher & I browse the aisles...pacing back and forth...I have a stack of cards in my hand and others fanned out like playing cards and nothing is striking me...I always take great care in picking the perfect card for people I care about, and I hope that they notice this when they open the envelope with a gold seal affixed...but where is the perfect card for someone who changed our lives in so many ways? I went back and forth and finally decided on one that I had in my hand the whole time...but I'm still not sure it's "the perfect" card...Asher went from 0 to hungry in 2.3 seconds, and so we had to speed things up...However, I had studied the cards for over 15 minutes, so it's not like I was taking this task lightly...

On a personal note, I am feeling like I may need to contact Hallmark and ask them why they don't have a larger, more appropriate variety of cards to send to birthmoms. I know K will appreciate a card, and as I am a wordy person, I'm sure I'll have to write my own personal message inside...I just hope she truly understands how much we love and care for her and are remembering her on her first Mother's Day.

At almost 2 months...

Don't I look like a big kid?!

I have a bow on my head, don't I?
Mom-O was Mommy's babysitter when she was a little girl!




Someday I will grow up & be big & strong like you, Papa Bear!

Take us out to the ball game!

Ok...where's the remote control?

Mom! I don't want to dye Easter eggs!

Look - a happy blue egg! I ate too many Peeps...

First Easter as a family of 3!

*Giggles*

I don't get the joke....

That's hot...

On Being Open

As potential adoptive parents, we had to make some decisions initially about what sorts of "situations" we would be open to accepting. Additionally, an expectant parent who is making a plan of adoption has choices to make as well. One integral part of the counseling experience and decision making process for both the birthparents and adoptive parents is deciding what level of "openness" they want to pursue.

When we began our journey, we were leaning toward closed. At that point, we were uneducated about the differences in open, closed, and semi-open and what a closed adoption would mean for our child, their birthparents, and ourselves. We just felt that our privacy was supreme and that there was no way we wanted anyone to know our names or where we live. Soon, we learned that that would mean no access to medical answers should an issue arise years down the road. That would also mean our child might have many questions over the years that we could not have answers to.

Soon we began to consider semi-open. Then the issue of our privacy would still be covered, but our child and their birthparents would have the ability to share letters and photos through the agency acting as an intermediary. This would most likely consist of approximately four updates a year in the first two years and then would be reevaluated at that time to see what sort of communication should continue.

When we got to the hospital the day we got the call about our son, we were still in agreement that "semi-open" was the way to go. We told our social worker that we were on board for letters and pictures through the agency. No identifying information would be shared. They would never have direct access to us, and vice versa.

We walked into that hospital room that day, and sat down amongst strangers. We all introduced ourselves and smiled politely and shook hands. It was awkward at first...they had never done this and neither had we! But here we all were, gathering together because of this tiny, beautiful little boy, and to discuss his plans for his future. Minutes after we entered that hospital room, his birthmom asked if we wanted to hold our son for the first time. She had spent 9 months with him growing inside of her body, and about a day and a half with him at her bedside learning his needs and wants and watching all of his little quirks (his roly poly nature, his little squeaks & snores, etc.) and yet here she was with outstretched arms holding this tiny bundle toward us.

We left that hospital room that day bonded forever, no longer strangers, but forever sharing a beautiful gift of life. They watched us experience our first moment of parenthood when we held our son. We all shared laughter and tears as we talked about why K had chosen us to be her son’s parents.

When we had had time to process the events of the day, we were unsure if semi-open was truly what we wanted. We had talked a lot about our interests and found out that we had been at the same events in the past, and that it was likely we would be in the same place at the same time in the future. We had looked into this young woman’s face and seen a beautiful person, not someone we should be afraid of. I tossed and turned all night long that night…certainly thinking of this child that could be ours soon, but my thoughts were dominated by her…his birthmom. Was she sure this was the decision she wanted to make? Did someone push adoption on her? Was she certain she couldn’t parent her son? Could she live with her choice of us as his parents for the rest of her life? Had she really seen all of those things in us that she told us she saw (all those things I had hoped she’d see?) I couldn’t get her out of my mind.

Jake and I talked and prayed and discussed what we should do that week as we waited to bring our son home. We had shared just a few mere hours in a hospital room, and the thought of that being “it” was so sad to me. Perhaps selfishly, I just didn’t feel like I could waltz into her hospital room and leave hours later and have that be “it.” I didn’t think that a few hours of our time was why she was brought in our life and we were brought into hers. She had spent 9 months of her life carrying this child. Was that “it” for her?

We decided then that an open adoption would be what was best for our son. As any relationship grows and changes, so, too, will the relationships we are forming now on behalf of our son. As he is too young to have a relationship on his own, we are forging one now for his benefit, so that come the 4th grade family tree assignment, he can have two family trees if he so chooses. I am not going to make those decisions for him, but I think it will do him a lot of good to know there are no secrets and no mystery about who these people are who placed him for adoption in our care. We want him to know that if he ever has questions, he doesn't need to be ashamed to ask them or to seek them out from the people who have those answers. And when he is old enough, if he wants to continue the relationship, he will have the capacity to do that. When we got the letter from K with her full name and her contact information, my heart soared with the knowledge that she wanted to be in our lives and wanted us to be in hers, too.

Since our mutual decision to open the relationship, she and I have engaged in some amazing conversations. There are moments when I feel so deeply connected to her like we have known each other forever. There are times when I am reminded that I am someone she looks to as an adult, and I try hard to ensure she knows that I am proud of her and supportive of her. It’s an amazing feeling to sit with her as she holds this growing little boy and watch her friend point out all of her features in him, but in the next instant, she is passing him to me and saying “Go back to your mommy!” She and I have talked about where each of us was in our journey to each other…and it’s amazing to see God’s imprint on each step of the way. To think, we could have missed these amazing opportunities by choosing a closed adoption is almost too much to consider.

Each open adoption is different. Some have a lot of personal contact. Some don’t have much at all, but know the option is there. Some write each other letters and send pictures directly, without the agency in between. Some invite each other to family functions and events. As we walk this journey, we are learning and growing and finding what works for us. Looking back on how we’ve learned and grown in just the year when we began our research to now participating in an open relationship with our son’s birthmother is amazing. Now she will be someone he will always know as he grows up, and he will hopefully continue to be a part of her life, too.

Baby, Let's Rock!

So, for any of you who are Smashing Pumpkins fans, you may recognize the title of my blog as one of Zwan’s songs from their Mary Star of the Sea album.

SP is one of my favorite bands. In fact, Jake & I entered into our wedding reception to Today. I got to see them perform as Zwan in Iowa City during my college years. And may I just say for the record, I met Jimmy Chamberlain and his forearms are MASSIVE.

My dear friend Erin knows of my love of Billy Corgan and his fabulous band (although they are now defunct, but never de-funked). Some genius of a person decided to take the music of SP (and a few other great bands like The Cure, Coldplay, The Beatles, U2, Nirvana, Radiohead, Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, etc.) and turn them into lullabys (plural of lullaby?)! So, on our doorstep yesterday in a package (and packages are ALWAYS fun!) was this:

Baby...let’s ROCK!

I'm a mommy.

There is something special about being a mom. Well, there are many wonderful, special things about being a mother...but here are just a few I've experienced:

You share a bond with millions of women out there in this world, including your own mother and the stranger in Target with a cart full of screaming children and the silent woman who sits beside you at church who never tells of the pain in her heart that she carries.

You have a new appreciation and humbleness about your own mother (and all you have put her through).

You have the experience of your heart growing and feeling like it could burst...and having no idea how God can fit more love inside of there.

You look in your child's eyes and just know that there is a God who loves his children.

You have never felt more overwhelmed in your life.

You are so appreciative of family and friends who offer to help, and you finally say YES to their offers!

You accept and admit that you don't know everything, and at some times feel like you know NOTHING.

You look at your husband and fall even more deeply in love with him, especially when he's holding and talking to your child.

You dream of who your child will become, all the while keeping it in your head that they will NEVER grow up, because they will always be your baby.

You instantly remember the lullabyes your own mom sang to you over 20-some years ago and begin singing them to your child.

You think it might just be one of the best feelings to rock in a chair singing these same songs to a child as his eyelids droop with sweet sleep.

You lose your own identity and are now introduced as "BabyName's Mom" and are completely fine with it.


We all become mothers different ways, and all have different experiences, but we are all moms.

Our Beautiful Boy

Our little family of 3.

This is what we like to call my "Elmer Fudd" hat.

My eyes are a little bit crossed right now....I'm concentrating.

Just hanging out...

Asher's first bath at home with Mommy! He didn't like it much...I think I was scared of burning him and made it too cold! :(

I'm rather adorable, if my Mommy may say so herself. He loves this tie-dyed towel. Our first load of baby laundry was washed with this towel. We seem to have a few more tie-dyed items now...

Wanna ticket to the "Gun Show?"

My 2 favorite boys in the world! Happy Valentines Day kisses...

HeHe! I look like a Garden Gnome, don't I?!

Sleeping in his prayer shawl...

"I prayed for this child and the Lord granted my request..." 1 Sam 1:27

Tiny baby bum!

Bringing Home Baby: The Novel

This story starts on February 2nd. I had been sick with an awful cold for about two weeks and was finally beginning to feel a little better. I woke up that morning with an urge to spend money. This doesn't happen very often.

Consider that our dishwasher has been broken since September. I felt it was time to replace it. So, we headed out to Best Buy to drop some fat cash.

We walked through the aisles and picked out a nice model. And then I decided we should go look at the big TVs, as Jake had been drooling over one for longer than I've wanted a replacement dishwasher. As we headed into the TV section I looked to my husband's giddy face & before he could say anything goofy I told him, "Don't ruin this..."

We spent a long time picking the right TV: a 56 inch Samsung Slim DLP HDTV. A former high school classmate, Ben, and a dear friend, Justin, helped us in our selections. As Justin swiped our credit card for our major purchase, I made a joke out loud… “You know what’s going to happen? We’re going to get a phone call on Monday telling us we have a baby…”

Monday the 4th was my dad’s 55th birthday. I went to work and Jake had plans to meet a friend for lunch at noon. Around that time, I was working at my desk while one of my coworkers went to lunch. My phone started vibrating around 12:10… “Unknown.” I almost didn’t answer it…thinking it was probably a political call…but maybe it was by chance our social worker, or my mother in law. So, I answered it.

It was H, our social worker. She asked how I was doing & I said fine…but that I had been sick for about 2 weeks…how was she? This is how the conversation went:

H: Well…we have a situation…
Me: OK…..
H: And you and Jake have been picked by a birthmom to be parents!
Me: OK!....
H: And the baby was born on Saturday…
Me: OK!!...
H: It’s a boy…he’s caucasian, he’s beautiful, and he’s healthy. His birthmom would like to meet you and Jake as soon as possible. Would you be able to come to the hospital?

I was in complete shock. I wasn’t crying, but I was shaking…and I had to call Jake! So I called his cell and told him I was sorry to interrupt his lunch, but then I asked if he was sitting down. He said yes, so I just blurted out that H had called, we had been picked to be parents, and we needed to go to Genesis East as soon as possible to meet the baby who may be our SON! I could HEAR the smile on his face, I could hear the shock and amazement, and I just wanted to HUG him. He agreed he would come pick me up and we would head to the hospital together.

I informed my boss of what was going on, we called our parents, and then made the drive to the hospital. It was completely surreal. We still were in shock that the phone call we had been waiting for so long had actually come!
When we arrived at the hospital we sat in the car for a minute, shared some tears, some laughs, said a prayer, and then walked hand in hand into the hospital. This experience was like none we had ever had. How do you prepare yourself to meet the woman who has given birth to the child she wants you to raise? What do you even begin to say?

We met with H in the lobby of the 5th floor. She talked to us about the baby’s stats, 7 pounds 15 ounces, 19 inches long, born at 9:37 PM. She told us that his birthmom had named him; named after her two brothers. We talked about our agreement to level of openness…we had stated that we were OK with a semi-open relationship where we would be sending letters and pictures through the agency with no identifying information shared. I finally had to ask…what was the baby’s birthmom’s name?! I had been wondering about and praying for this woman for so long…WHO was she?! H told me that her name is K. It was wonderful to finally know her name.

H told us she would go back and talk to K and then she’d be back. It seemed like FOREVER. Jake and I both used the restroom about twice, we texted friends and talked on our phones and to each other…and I began making lists. I’m sure we looked completely nervous.

Finally, H came back & told us that K wanted to have her step-mom, mom & dad with her when we all met…so we had to wait just a little longer for her step-mom to arrive. But, in the meantime, she had handed us an envelope and informed us that K wanted us to have these photos of the baby while we waited. H disappeared again and Jake and I pulled the stack of photos from the padded envelope.

The first picture we saw was of K, looking tired from labor, holding her baby. They were wrapped in a tie-dye blanket. I remember one of the first things Jake said was “Hmmm…looks like you two are kindred spirit…” as I loved tie-dyed things in high school and college. We studied the pictures…at that point it didn’t seem real, but we were so grateful to have a glimpse of K and her baby. He had lots of hair and chubby cheeks, and looked perfectly newly born.

Soon, H came back with J, the hospital social worker, and they said it was time to meet K, her family, and the baby. We walked all the way to the end of the hallway. Jake and I took a deep breath, J knocked on the door & said “Ready for visitors?” and we followed them inside. K was sitting in the rocker holding the baby, and her family was sitting on the couch. We were invited in and sat upon the bed. We shook hands with everyone in the room and shared introductions, and from there the conversation just flowed. Within two minutes, K asked us “Do you want to hold him?” I looked to Jake, because it had always been my dream that he would hold our child first. He looked at me, nodded a nudge to “go first” and I held out my arms to K to receive the most beautiful baby boy. Of course, I was still getting over being sick, so I didn’t want to expose him too much. We were so engaged in conversation that it was too difficult to completely lose ourselves studying this perfect little boy. I soon handed him over to Jake, and he held him for most of our approximately three hour meeting.

We shared stories of our families and she shared a little bit about why she chose us. We shared laughter and some tears…all through lots of smiles. It was such a good feeling for me to finally know who K was and to hold a beautiful child in our arms.

That day K was getting discharged from the hospital, and so was the baby. We felt the best decision was for the baby to go to interim care for the week while the paperwork was signed. The end of our afternoon in the hospital was very busy with nurses and discharge instructions and the interim care family coming and everyone packing their bags…I made sure that K didn’t want some alone time with the baby…the afternoon had been pretty overwhelming and there were many people in and out of her room. She said she had had lots of time with him over the weekend, but inside it just broke my heart that this might be the last time she would see him in a very long time…At this point, we had agreed to semi-open, which meant we could exchange letters and pictures through the agency, but probably wouldn’t be meeting up or contacting each other directly.

When everyone was ready to leave the hospital, K, her step-mom, the 2 social workers, the interim care mom, the baby, Jake & I all walked out together. We stood in the little alcove bundling the baby up while the interim care mom went to pull her car up. We gave K hugs and she gave the baby a kiss, and then she turned and walked out of the hospital. I couldn’t hold it together any longer…the baby that we had prayed for and wanted so badly was here at our side, and the woman we had prayed for so long was walking away. My heart was breaking for her, and my pain poured out in sobs as Jake held me and told me it would be OK? Would she have anyone to hold her and tell her it would be OK? The baby left with the interim care mom, and we left the hospital with our packet of pictures and drove home.

We were emotionally and physically drained. Besides having a whirlwind of an afternoon, neither of us had eaten any lunch so we were tired and hungry. Once we got home and sat down, the “high” wore off a bit and we were left with feeling completely wiped out. We mustered some energy to head to my parents’ house, where we met up with them and Jake’s mom. My brother had no idea what was going on, so we were going to go tell him the exciting news. We handed him the packet of pictures & he looked through them like “What is this? A baby? Whose baby is this?” And then he caught on & was VERY EXCITED!

The strange feeling of déjà vu came over us all, as we sat around the table forming a “game plan” for the week and all the things we needed to tackle before bringing baby home. Four years prior, we were doing the same thing with our wedding. We had done wedding in a week, we could do baby in a week. We were up for the challenge. We picked out some beautiful green paint that night at Menards. As my mom, sister and I were choosing, another wave of energy wore off and I felt very sluggish and ready for bed. Instead of running more errands, I went home to catch some sleep.

Sleep never came that night. I tossed and turned all night long. I thought about K mostly. I also thought about this baby. I couldn’t say his name. I couldn’t call him ours. I didn’t know what to call him. I didn’t want to tell too many people about his existence until we knew more. I prayed he would be our son, but at that point I just couldn’t let my guard down and trust that he was. It had all happened so fast!

I worked the rest of the week. Every other day that week we visited the baby at the interim care house. Tuesday, our families got to go out and meet him…he was very sleepy and just didn’t want to stay awake too long. We had received the call on Monday (my dad’s birthday), and the baby was born Saturday night (K was laboring with him as we were making our large purchases at Best Buy). The paperwork for his birthparents to sign could not be signed until late Tuesday night. Since the time was so late, it was decided that they would sign on Wednesday instead. Well, on Wednesday we had another massive snowstorm/blizzard, so nothing would happen that day. Throughout the week, we got snippets of conversation from our social worker…things his birthparents had said, or how the process was going. All were very positive, and as the week progressed, I was able to open up to the idea that this might actually be our baby. Thursday was our 4th Anniversary. On that day, the baby’s birthparents signed the documents terminating their parental rights. After work that day we went to the interim home and spent time with the baby, then Jake and I went to dinner together and ran some baby-gear errands. By Friday, I was feeling pretty good about everything. I had chatted with our social worker earlier in the week and told her that if K wanted to be more open, that we’d be happy with that. On Friday, H came to work to talk to me. She had a letter for us from K, and I had a letter for K and the baby’s birthdad, as well as a photo CD for each of them. I couldn’t wait for her to leave so I could go home at lunch and read the letter with Jake!

When I got home, Jake & I sat down and I read the letter aloud. K told us about her family, about growing up, all about herself and things she enjoys, and then why she chose us to be the parents of her child. I couldn’t get through the letter without sobbing. There were many reasons she chose us, some being simple things like our love of music, animals, the Hawkeyes, our faith. But then she said, “I knew I had made the best choice in picking you to raise my baby when I saw Jake hold his son for the first time and the smile never left his face.” I sobbed. She, too, got to experience the moment when my dream came true, seeing my husband hold his son for the first time, and it had touched her as well. At the end of her letter, K gave us her last name and her phone number. She had opened the door to direct communication! I had included our email address in the letter to her, so I hoped she would perhaps respond to that.

On Saturday, the interim care family was heading out of town to look for a new vehicle, so we asked if we could possibly “babysit our baby” that day for them. Throughout the week, H had asked us if we were still planning on waiting the 96 hour period before bringing the baby home, and we continued to say yes. We “cleared” bringing him to our home to watch him for the day, and she let us know if we changed our minds and wanted to bring him home that day, she just needed to come to our house, have us sign some paperwork, and make sure he had a bed to sleep in and a carseat to ride in. We spent the day working on the nursery, doing baby laundry, organizing, entertaining friends who stopped by, and taking care of the baby’s every little need. Sadie got to meet him, and every tiny squeak he made, she was there by his side to check him out. It was awesome to spend the day with him, but the next day was the hardest day of the week. I finally was tired of waiting. I wanted our baby home. I felt that if his birthparents changed their minds now, that it wouldn’t be any less devastating…we HAD bonded with him whether we had brought him home or not. I just wanted it to be Monday already. I locked eyes with my mom and got teary when a baby began to cry during Mass. And I couldn’t keep it together when we sang the words to Hosea: “Long have I waited for your coming home to me and living deeply our new life…” I just cried while I sang, in front of God and everyone in the whole church. I didn’t care.

You probably think I didn’t sleep that night, but I did. I was exhausted. I got up on Monday, a week after the phone call that changed our lives, and went to work. I tied up some loose ends, and watched the clock for noon. When I left that day I was officially on “maternity leave!” Jake & his dad picked up our son from the interim care home, brought him to our house and H met us there. We signed all the paperwork, showed H his carseat and bassinette, and we were left along in our home as a family of three! On Friday, after I received K’s letter, where she referred to the baby as “Asher” I was able to finally give myself the permission to call him by his name. Our lives have been forever changed.

Male Model

My baby can do Derek Zoolander's signature look: Blue Steel.

We had an amazing and laughable time yesterday watching Shannon capture our beautiful son on camera. He made her job a bit difficult at times, but as you can see, she's certainly a pro at snapping amazing memories. We will treasure these pictures always...

Please check out Shannon's site to see just a preview of our beautiful boy

Hi, I'm New Here

Well...I know many of you have been waiting for my big arrival, so I thought I'd introduce myself.

I'm Asher Joseph, and I was born on Groundhogs Day! I am now 9 days old, and guess what?! I got to come home with my Mommy & Daddy TODAY! They keep wrapping me tight in my blankie and calling me "Little Burrito Man" and my dog Sadie keeps giving me kisses. I like to make little noises so she is very curious about me.

I was 7 pounds 15 ounces and 19 inches long. I have a full head of beautiful, dark hair and blue eyes...you can check me out in the picture albums! My Mom is still trying to figure me out, but I can tell she's not too sure what the heck she's doing so I'm trying to help her out. She was feeding me and I started to spit some out so she'd sit me up...once she did I let out a big *BURP* so now she won't forget!

My Mommy & Daddy think I'm pretty amazing and cute, but you can just see for yourself! My Mommy will tell you the whole story sometime soon, but I just wanted all of you who have been praying for me, and my birthparents, and my Mommy & Daddy to know "Here I am!"

In Memory: Gone Fishing

Gone Fishing

The day the skies opened up and cried
God knew you needed a rest
He surrounded you with loving family
And He called up one of his best

He said "Leave your poles and lures behind
And come and fish with me
We'll skim across the waters
Of Heaven for all eternity."

We'll miss your smiles, laughter, and hugs
But memories of you we'll keep dear
You're with us beside us, everyday
In our hearts you're always near

You're in a better place now
There's no more praying and wishing
Because we know what you're doing now
You're in Heaven, with Jesus,
Gone Fishing...

October 2, 1924-January 28, 2006

ERBP

This is a poem I wrote for my Grampa FGB the day he passed away. My Grampa had 9 children, and every single one of them, plus many of their spouses, my Grandma (his wife of 60 years) and their grandchildren were surrounding him as he passed from this world into eternal life. It was not scary or ugly, but peaceful.

He always encouraged my writing, and was supportive of all of my creative endeavors. He taught my dad the value of money, of hard work, and of fishing and the mighty Mississippi, which my dad then taught to me. We buried Grampa with a busted up left handed rod that had electrical tape holding it together. No one else would have liked that pole, and that's why Grampa loved it so much.

When I think Grampa I think fishing, tire swings, John Deere tractors, and the river on summer nights. His rough, unshaven cheeks on mine, his great, tight hugs, and the smell of his old black cigarettes, even though he promised to quit. I still find myself ripping stamps off of envelopes for his collection, and I am now the owner of some of the coins that he so carefully kept. And I wonder what he woud think of the political arena for the 2008 election, as he seemed to always agree with the politics of Bill Clinton.

He was a good, hard-working man from Iowa. I still do, and always will, miss my Grampa B.

Not-So-Nursery....Nursery.

Our house has three bedrooms. Currently Jake & I occupy one, and most often not simultaneously, but on opposite shifts. Another bedroom is set up as our guest room. We affectionately call this room "Sadie's room" as she is usually the one bunked up in there (sorry guests). She loves looking out the windows, whether it's watching the playful squirrels or surveying the neighborhood for bad guys or postmen. The third bedroom started out as an office and has morphed into a catch-all junk room. It's positively hideous. We have a few boxes that have not been unpacked since we moved in, a dead dinosaur of a computer, my wedding gown is in a box up on a shelf in the closet, and the built-in drawers and shelves are packed with papers, books, and clutter. This will someday be our child's room. I refer to this room as the "Not-So-Nursery...Nursery."

It seems a daunting task...to go through my clutter and his clutter and part with so much of it, and yet I want to be rid of it all. There are invoices and statements to be organized and filed, computer disks to be matched up with the proper sleeve, and dust bunnies galore. There is a huge L-shaped desk that was a *$%#@ to get in there (don't ask me...ask my husband!) that has to be completely dismantled and hauled out before we can even begin thinking of baby moving in.

But I have so many ideas! I rarely go into that room even though it is right across the hall from ours. Lately, though, I've been stepping inside, and even amidst the boxes of junk I stand there and suck in my breath a little and think about rocking our child to sleep in a chair in the corner. I can't yet picture exactly what it will look like, although I know there will be elephants galore and perhaps a mint or sage green paint slicked onto the walls. It will smell like baby powder and have numerous plush surfaces.

I can't wait until the room looks like a nursery. A crib for baby to sleep, stacks of diapers in the drawers and tiny outfits hanging in the closet. There will be homemade curtains and many little elephant friends hanging out and books to read someday.

But right now it's just a Not-So-Nursery...Nursery. So much of me is motivated to transform this room...but another part is apprehensive. We have officially been waiting for 5 months and 5 days. By now, if we were pregnant, I'd have a neat little bump under my sweater, maybe be feeling the baby moving around, and possibly know if it's a boy or a girl. Friends and family would be asking how things are progressing and how I'm feeling, and excitedly planning on the baby's arrival in 4 months. But we have no idea when this baby will arrive, and there are no outward signs that Jake or I carry around that show that we are "expecting." What if we go through all the work and sweat of giving the room a makeover and no baby comes for months....maybe years?

I guess I haven't truly given myself "permission" to go walk the aisles of Babies R' Us to dream and investigate. I've walked into the baby section at Wal-Mart about twice, but I always do so somewhat sheepishly and feel as if I'm an outsider among the women with swollen bellies or babies in their carts. I feel like I don't want someone that doesn't know we're adopting to "catch" me there and look to my belly for "proof." I enjoy telling people that we are adopting, and proudly...but it's often on MY terms. I feel better and like I'm not caught off guard if I can tell THEM before they ask ME about my reproductive status.

And so, the room sits....waiting for it's tranformation from a Not-So-Nursery to an Actual Nursery. It's difficult to say how long it may take to complete the transformation, and even more difficult to say how long it may take for a baby to arrive and take up residence inside. But we're hopeful that we will make some progress on the room, soon, and that our wait won't be too long. Most people wait for babies about 9 months, right?! :)

A New Day

Stats

Current Temp: 10 degrees (feels like -5 degrees with wind chill)
Current wake up time today: 5:25 AM
Current time out of bed today: 5:25 AM
Current Daily Intake: FF yogurt, water, light string cheese, water, apple & peanut butter, and more water!
Calories Burned: 330
Total Distance: 1.5+ miles
Current feeling: Awesome & energized!

5:25 the alarm went off. I opened my eyes. I didn’t feel like poo. I didn’t really feel tired, and I had no body aches or pains. Shocking. Having no reason to put off the planned workout of the day, I got out of my bed & turned off the subsequent alarms, having no need for 3 alarms or the snooze button today. This, in itself, is already a small victory in my day.

The house is quiet. I feed Sadie and let her outside and choose a Harvest Peach Yoplait for my pre-workout breakfast at the urging of my uber-healthy aunt who has undertaken and conquered the IronMan numerous times. If a yogurt is good enough for her, it’s definitely good enough for me. I dress, pull my hair up, wash my face, and actually feel good. I was not expecting this.

I get my shoes on and Sadie is dancing around the living room, expecting that I’m going to take her. I feel mothers’ guilt, and I attempt to ignore her so she doesn’t think I’m riling her up to take her on a walk. I slip outside and it’s freezing and dark. I am never up and outside when it’s dark, but hey, today is a new day.

I crank up K-LOVE and drive to the end of the alley. I can pull directly out of my drive because there’s hardly any traffic, and the drive stays mostly like this, except for the fact that I pretty much run into every red light along the way. *SIGH*

As I drive by the beautiful, dark park, I see a man jogging along. “Wow,” I think to myself, “He’s got heart to be out here in the frigid cold!” Usually I would say to myself “Crazy person!” but today I thought “Huh! You go, dude!”

I make my way downtown and approach the bridge. I can see the line of cars backed up onto the street and across the bridge itself. I should have known. This is prime “go to work time” at the base. At this point I have a couple choices. A) Be pissed off, turn around, and go home and get into my warm bed. B) Give it up as something beyond my control, turn up K-LOVE, and rock out until it’s my turn to proceed. I chose B. Usually, I probably would choose A…but today I decided “It’s a new day. I can do something different!” And I did.

I get across the bridge in a relatively quick fashion (considering) but after they check my ID to get on the island, they wave me over to the little car port area where a man in a clipboard stands and awaits me. I feel a bit apprehensive, as I have no idea what he wants/needs of me, but know that this is a random search of me/my car. I turn down the radio and roll down my window. He jovially tells me he’s not going to make me get out of the car (thank you, military man, I appreciate this) but he’s popping my back hatch (oh, why didn’t I drop those two bags of crap off at the Goodwill yesterday?), opening the side door (ugh…embarrassing-I can’t get the seat back up, it’s stuck…sorry?!), and then motions for me to pop my hood. I’m flipping on the lights, wondering where in the heck my hood popper is, attempting not to be flustered. I pop the hood, he checks, asks me where I’m going, and then waves me on. Phew.

I finally get to the building and park. When I get in they scan my MWR ID and tell me it’s a reject. I tell them I figured as much since it’s been years that I used their facility and I have a new military ID. They tell me they will issue me a new one today, and ohbytheway, let’s take your picture, too. LOVELY. I am looking totally hot, as I have just woken up all of 30 minutes ago. I then have to go outside and move my car to the opposite side of the lot, as while I was standing there waiting for my ID I’ve been reading a sign that says “NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, PARK ON THE EAST SIDE OF THE PARKING LOT.” Hey, this is the military. They may send me to Iraq as punishment or something, and that’s the last thing I want to do, so I politely tell the folks I’ll be right back. How much more crazy could this morning be in less than 15 minutes?!

Once I get in the locker room I realize my lock doesn’t fit on the locker (they don’t look like new ones, so why won’t the lock fit?) so I have to carry my bag with me to the treadmills, but whatever. It’s not too busy, I do 30 minutes of “in the zone heartrate” cardio on the treadmill, and feel awesome. I DID IT!

I think what is helping me this time is that I am mentally preparing myself more than I have in the past. I am reading Triathlon Training in 4 Hours a Week: From Beginner to Finish Line in Just Six Weeks by Eric Harr. He gives a lot of great advice, from what gear is necessary and where to find it at the best price, to mental preparation and how to fight through when your mind is trying to dissuade you from working out by sitting on the couch with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. That’s what I need. I need the internal motivation. I am (currently) not worried about how I will physically cross the finish line. What I am focusing on right now is the mental battle to get myself out there to do the training work to even get to race day. Sure, I need to know proper form and what to wear on race day (by the way, what DO you wear on race day?!) and how to avoid injury, but I am so grateful that there are author athletes who understand that sometimes the biggest part of the battle is motivation and mental preparedness.

One of the best things I’ve learned so far is “Give up the all or none mentality.” I don’t particularly like Harr’s explanation of this gem of advice, but to me this was a hugely important tip. I am the kind of girl who, once I fall off the wagon, I might as well just not get back up on it. This time I am vowing to handle this differently. Just because I may get a super craving for a McDonalds iced vanilla coffee and decide to order a 2 cheeseburger meal along with it doesn’t mean that I’ve completely botched up all of my training prep. Sure, it was a crappy choice. Sure, it’s not going to feel that great sitting in my stomach and it’s probably melding itself permanently to my butt the moment I swallow….but it was ONE bad choice. Why continue to punish myself by eating a Snickers on top of that, or passing up on the workout that day? I need to say “That was dumb!” and drive on…with eating healthy and working out, no matter how much I mess up. Any steps I make towards being a healthier person are doing just that…making me healthier! The book made a very good point. Let’s say I do six weeks of training, and on race day I wake up with the flu. Sure, it will be a major bummer that I don’t get to compete, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t do six weeks of good training for nothing! I got healthier, I felt better, and I exercised. Sure the excitement of being able to say “I’m a finisher!” at the end of the race is an incentive to get out there and do this, but honestly, part of me DOES want the health benefits of doing it, too.

Another reason this time is different is because I am doing this because I want it and I am not depending on other people to hold me accountable this time. In the past I’ve had workout buddies, email buddies, healthy eating buddies. It’s a great idea in the beginning, when you’re both feeling motivated, but then someone stops emailing, or gets busy, or eats an entire box of Cheez-Its (and usually it’s me…). This time I have set the goal myself. I have a “cut off” date. I know that I am going to run (or drag myself) across that finish line on June 14th, and I really do think I will be so proud of myself. I can’t depend on my husband, or my mom, or my friends, or acquaintances to keep me motivated and interested. It’s not their problem when I don’t do the workout. It’s my own. And I want to be able to say “I did it!” Sure, I appreciate the support. Of course I want my friends and family cheering me on (as I train, and as I compete). But training and crossing the finish line have got to be on my time, on my accord, and by my motivation and hard work.

Training: Day 1

Current Stats

Current Temp: 39 & Sunny - feels much warmer out
Current Weight: Overweight & feeling every pound (I did debate whether or not to share my weight with all of you, but decided against it at this time. One of these days I will embrace it, but not yet).
Time: 25 minutes (11:09-11:34 AM)
Currently Eating/Drinking: Ice Water
Currently Listening To: 90's music - oddly enough Savage Garden's Truly, Madly, Deeply which is "our song"
Currently Feeling: Hot (as in flushed not sexy)

Started out the day with zero motivation. Slept in until 9:30 (felt good to be lazy). Once I got downstairs I poured myself a small glass of grape juice (unsure of nutritional content, but do believe it is 100% juice, so that's better than nothing). Decided against Cocoa Dyno-bites since I figured that wouldn't taste, feel, or look good if I heaved those up if I got up the courage to exercise this AM.

Christmas tree and stockings are still staring me in the face...why won't they go put themselves away?! Stylist called moments after I dragged myself out of bed...my appointment was at 9:30 & she forgot to call me yesterday to remind me. Rescheduled. No one wants this dragon breath in the morning. I resolved myself to putting the Christmas decorations away TODAY. Hmm....not sure of that plan.

Decided I was going to pull up some links for the Couch to 5K program and found an aggressive running program. HA. I said this myself. However, if I continue to DO what I've been doing, my results will be the same. Talked myself into going to the running store today & picking out a new pair of running shoes which I will do once I am smelling & looking better. Anyway, aggressive. A 4 month training program. Well, considering it's already January 12th and St. Patrick's Day is, oh, about 2 months from now, I will not be quite on track, but I am convinced I will still do the 5K whether my training is "up to speed" or not.

So, the training starts with a Monday calendar. REST. Hmmm....this isn't starting out so well....it's Saturday. 30 minutes walk/0 minutes run. OK, let's pretend that Monday is Saturday: still REST day. I've been "resting" for a few years now...let's get this girl up off the couch & OUT THERE TO-DAY. Let's pretend Saturday is Tuesday, self. OK: 25 minutes walk/0 minutes run. Let's do it.

Sadie is turning circles to get outside. I had to stretch first & she thinks this part is very fun & takes every opportunity to get under my arms, stick her wet nose in my face, and make this part "all about her." She has me laughing before we even get out the door.

I step outside in my husband's light windbreaker with thin fleece liner. After this run, I was glad I decided against a hat & mittens (I'd have been drenched & I'm not quite ready for THAT level of athlete yet - I kinda abhor sweat). Check the cell phone (mental note: get yourself a watch with a timer on it) & begin our journey. We walk down to the junior high & I check the clock (4 minutes....hmmm...) then head to the bike path & I check the clock (7 minutes....this isn't going very fast). A few paces along I say out loud (I don't usually talk to myself, but I figure I was talking to Sadie) "Let's run to the bridge." We begin. I start out at a pace I think is do-able & then remember my friend Emily who has completely tranformed herself told me to run at an almost ridiculously slow pace, so I slow down. I concentrate on my breathing (I suck at this, I'm an athsmatic, this is WHY you don't run, stupid). I think about how my amazing mother (who has ridden her bike across the USA, finished at least one tri that I know of, and a number of marathons & dozens of other races) would be critiquing my form and telling me I'm swinging my torso too much (must figure out how to move that part less?) I push mom from my mind and at this point see how far the damn bridge looks. Why did I say out loud that we would run to the bridge. I tell myself "I can't stop running til I get to the bridge." and then about 5 steps later I stop to a walk. Sadie ACTUALLY turns around and LOOKS at me...she doesn't talk (my dog doesn't, does yours?) but she SAYS to me with those EYES of hers, "Mom, you said we were running to the bridge." And so, grunting on the inside and also semi-inspired I pick up the pace & we jog (slowly) the rest of the way to the bridge. At the bridge I feel like POO. I am making some crazy sounds and I feel like "Holy cow, you are more out of shape than you thought!" Yes, yes, positive self talk is something I will have to work on, obviously!

I resolve to walk the rest of the way (hey, this is my first day, right, and there was to be no running involved anyway). I choose "hill" rather than "flat" for the 2nd half of our walk/attempted run. About half way up the hill, I unzip the jacket, I can feel my cheeks getting redder, and I feel even WORSE than I did at the bridge. At this point I laugh to myself and thank God I did not choose the Cocoa Dynobites, but am thinking that an apple with peanut butter might be a good choice once/if I make it home. I don't usually eat things like this, but then I remind myself why. Even though an apple & peanut butter is a pretty quick, convenient snack, a bag of Doritos is so much MORE convenient. UGH. Apples & peanut butter apples & peanut butter apples & peanut butter.

We have somehow made it to the top of the hill. Phew. I check the cell phone. 9 more minutes. Seriously?! UGH. So I continue toward the house & where we normally would go straight I avert our path to around the block for a longer route. I don't really remember this part of the walk right now (perhaps I blocked it from my memory already?) Sadie & I make it home exactly at 25 minutes.

WE DID IT! First day workout: success.

I feel good for the most part. I will probably cough through this afternoon, but I feel semi-OK. I will most likely weigh myself before I shower (as if that short jaunt really DID anything, but I like to humor myself in strange ways sometimes).

Next on the agenda today: go to the fabric store to pick out fleece elephant fabric to make a blanket for our someday baby! Christmas decorations will be dealt with...at an undetermined time and date.

Anti-Resolution

I'm not making a resolution for the New Year. I think resolutions are ideas for quick solutions and not well-thought out plans for actual change.

Therefore, I've decided to set about making a list of goals for 2008. I'm not going to call them "New Years Goals" because I really want to focus on the entire year, not just the "new" part of it.

So, here is my list (thus far) of the goals I am setting out for myself for 2008.

1. Laugh more.
2. Complete a triathlon in June.
3. Drink more water.
4. Spend more time with people I love and people who love me.
5. Take more walks with my dog and just enjoy sharing this time with my beloved pet and fresh air.
6. Stop complaining about silly things.
7. Pray more.
8. Don't worry about things that I have no control over.
9. Read more books.
10. Spend less time watching television or surfing the web.
11. Knit more.
12. Use the St. Patrick's Day 5K as a mini-goal on my way to the triathlon.
13. Believe in myself.
14. Give more hugs to my husband.
15. Clean my house more often.

If you've "followed" my blog, you know I battle weight and food. I've told friends, my parents, my husband, myself so many times that I'm going to lose weight. I've told them my plan, I've written it down, I've paid someone to make me weigh myself in front of them, I know how to be a healthy person, but the DOING it so much harder for me than talking about it.

However, instead of saying "I want to lose X pounds" I've decided I'm going to set an athletic goal for myself. If I choose to eat chocolate cake & Cheetos, this will probably not bode well for me when I'm hoofing my big booty up a hill. But, I bet if I balance my meal with some veggies, protein, and enough water to keep myself hydrated, I'll feel a lot better when I do my training.

Some of you may be saying, "But you're a couch potato! Why would you go from sitting on your BUTT to undertaking such a BIG event instead of just trying to do a mile fun run?" I agree. I am being rather bold at attempting this....but I have to believe that I can do this. No matter if I do a fun run or attempt a 600 meter swim, 15 mile bike, and 5 K run...I know that every step I take is moving me further along the path to some of my goals.

I have days where I think, "Why am I telling people about this huge goal? What if I don't make it? What if I don't get up off my duff and start training?" But I have to. No matter if I tell people or not, I have to be responsible for my own health, my own happiness...not someone else. I have taken a first step and decided that I'm doing this. I've taken another step by checking out some library books about tri training.

I know at this point I don't look like much of an athlete. Believe me, I don't FEEL like much of an athlete much of the time. But I used to be one. I used to play soccer, softball, bike, walk, do tae kwon do. My athlete is just hiding right now. But I want to find her again.

A good friend told me that there are some people, no matter what their size or shape, that you can just SEE their amazing spirit. He told me I was one of these people whose spirit resonates with him. But he said, too, that he can see when my spirit is down-trodden, depressed, tired, uninspired. He told me I just need to dig deep and find inspiration, believe in myself, and that he trusts that I can make my goals and dreams a reality.

I think he's right. I think all of my friends and family that have given me inspiration are right. I can do whatever I want if I just try. Ironic that the name of the event I'm attempting is triathlon. Sure, tri is meaning three events, but I find it inspiring and ironic that I may soon be a tri-athlete....I will try to be an athlete....again.

Reflecting on Blessings

Well, 2007 was an interesting year. We've been through a lot, if you look over my last year of blogs, but it's been such a year of growth for us. Looking back, I realize that God places people in our lives to make us smile, to help us learn, to aid in our faith journey, and we have been blessed with so many wonderful friends, family members, and acquaintances who have made this past year a great one.

In January I had my first fondue dinner experience with my dear Lifer, Tiffany. Thank you, Tif, for the experience of amazing mushrooms dipped in Coq au Vin and raspberry martini glasses' white chocolate dipped rims. Delight.

In February, we celebrated our 3rd anniversary in a crazy steakhouse buffet somewhere in Kansas. We were spending time saying goodbye to Jake's dad before he headed to Iraq for a year. Driving around on base at Fort Riley brought back all of the memories of saying goodbye to Jake at Fort Hood 3 years prior. It amazed me how fresh those stinging memories felt.

In March, my friend Brian from high school came through our hometown with his traveling cast of Camelot. We sat way up in "the nosebleeds" but it was amazing to see him living his dreams on stage, especially for his hometown crowd. Later that evening as we danced to a jazz trio, I told him what an exciting life he must live compared to my boring, routine, secure life. He said something very important to me. He told me, "Em, we're both living our dreams....just in very different ways." And you know, he was right. He was always my friend who reminded me "Don't worry, be happy," when I got too down or serious.

In April, Jake left for 2 weeks of military training in Arkansas. I busied myself with blood donations, book clubs, dinner dates, and being my brother's biggest fan at his baseball games.

May brought a clear decision for us to pursue adoption. We had prayed and talked and cried and we believe God led us to this decision through many little "revelations" as the way to add to our family. We were embraced with nothing but care and support from our family and friends, and were and are so touched. My parents celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary by jumping on a cruise ship in Alaska and had a delightful time.

In June it was our turn to hop on a cruise ship, this time to celebrate our dear friends, Erin & Justin's wedding! My sister, Jake & I flew down to Tampa on a Saturday, spent time with aunt, uncle & cousin, then with our Florida friends. We had some great laughs, good Mexican food, and some happy birthday cake! The next day we were lucky enough to enjoy a day at Busch Gardens, thanks to their "Here's to the Heroes" program which allows military servicepeople & their families to enjoy a day at the park at no cost! We rode fantastic rides, saw fascinating animals, and had fun spending time together. The next day we were treated like VIPs as we were ushered onto the ship. Erin was a beautiful bride, and we are so thankful to the T family for allowing us to share in their joy (and their honeymoon cruise!). We enjoyed Cozumel & Grand Cayman, Jake's participation in the Fear Factor (Grand Champ!) and Hairy Chest contest (we were robbed!), delicious food, beautiful scenery, and hilarious new friends who shared the voyage with us. We have insisted that the T's have a "reunion" cruise in a few years, as we had such a great time!

In July Jake got his 3rd tattoo, an Austrian eagle similar to his dad's. My mom went to the tattoo parlor, too, and got her first ink in memory of her beloved running dog, Nike. Her brother, JB, got his 2nd. The family who tattoos together stays together?? I still have no ink. My mother in law thanks me for this. We decided on one of the hottest weekends of the year to undertake Porch Project 2007. As you can see from the album, it was a success, but not without the help of our dear families and friends who came out & helped us in the sweltering heat. We have lived in our house for two years, but nothing like an impending home study to light that fire under our butts to get some work done! We began the home study process with our delightful social worker, H, on the 18th, with a second visit on the 23rd.

In August, we took a mini-vacation to Wilmette, IL to visit relatives. We spent hours chatting and reading on the front porch, we splashed in the waters of Lake Michigan at the beach, and we shared delicious meals together. Later in the month, we got our first glimpse at the new police station, and the whole family got to have a first class tour, directed by our very own favorite police officer! We also finished our homestudy, and were officially approved and "waiting" on August 20th. Our "paper pregnancy" had begun.

September brought HOT weather. We longed for cooler temps, but there seemed no relief.

October celebrated my 26th birthday, we both participated in Christian Experience Weekends at our parish (as team members & behind the scenes helpers), and also began going to the 6 week Everyone's a Critic program at the Imax theater.

In November, mother in law & I visited soon to be sister in law & her mom and sister for some early wedding preparations. We look forward to celebrating their wedding in mid-October 2008. After much debate, prayer, and tears, Jake re-enlisted in the National Guard for 3 more years. I also visited my dear Lifer in the great Windy City for the lighting of the Magnificent Mile. We enjoyed hummus, Starbucks, Christmas windows, double decker train rides, Ikea, and a parade. I also finally met (in real life) a true kindred spirit, Joy, who shares a desire to adopt. We were both quite chatty (who me?!) and look forward to a visit in February! Our family shared Thanksgiving in Colorado this year, and it was so wonderful to see all of them. We made some wonderful memories, and Jake left the state with his 4th tattoo. We kept it a secret from his mom for a few weeks.

December brought holiday stress and bad weather (ice, snow, ice, ice, ice, ice, snow & ice, ice). My friend Pauly returned from Africa & his stint with the Peace Corps. I was delighted that, although he has learned new languages, grown and shared some wonderful experiences with people halfway across the world, he is still the "same old" Pauly we know and love. We celebrated soon to be sister in law's graduation, but we hate to see her & brother in law move to Phoenix at the end of January. D, dad & I sang & played for Christmas Eve Mass, and then shared a delicious meal at my parents' house Christmas Eve and Christmas day.

And last night, we rang in the New Year with tacos, friends & family, noisemakers, and birthday cake. It was a fun, festive time! My hubby surprised me by taking the night off and not telling me until the day of the festivities (how did he keep it a secret from me?!), so I had my favorite boy in the world to kiss at midnight.

Our wishes for this year are numerous. We pray God blesses our family with a baby, perhaps this year, but we know in his infinite wisdom and perfect timing, he will. We look forward to the return of Jake's dad from Iraq, our 4th anniversary, a trip to Chicago together to celebrate our love, meeting new friends, celebrating the births of so many friends' new babies and the adoption of new pets, deep dish pizza, beer, more tattoos, transforming our office/junk room into a delightful nursery, celebrating weddings of dear family members, celebrating annivesaries, good wine, new goals, healthier choices, attempting a triathlon, and much, much laughter and blessings.

We hope your new year is filled with joy, peace, and happiness.