What I've Got

I am terrified. Terrified of losing what I’ve got.

I have many nice “things” in my life. A beautiful, brick home. A job that makes me happy. A fabulous, red vehicle that gets me where I need to go on a daily basis. Money in my bank accounts. A church where I feel at home. Food in my cupboards and in my belly.

But these things are all just THINGS. I could live with or without them. In all essence, they mean nothing to me.

Let me tell what I’ve TRULY got.

I have an amazingly loving, loyal, dedicated husband. He’s funny, faithful, and kind. He is seriously the most handsome man I’ve ever met. He loves motorcycles, martial arts, and “kill ‘em up, shoot ‘em up” movies. He’s a “boob man.” He’ll go to a movie by himself on the first day it comes out in the theater just because he loves films so much. He can’t keep surprises. He drools over gun and ammunition catalogs. He loves to watch the Bears & screams at the TV as if they can hear him critiquing their messy plays and horrible passes. He’s easily side-tracked. He loves ice cream and peanut butter, separately and together. He always stands at attention when the National Anthem plays, and he reminds people around them to take off their hats to show respect. He loves a good German beer, but a cold Bud Light will do him just fine, too. He enjoys “angry” music, but he’ll listen to country, Christian, Rock…anything he can sing along to. And he has a wonderful voice, even though he’ll deny that to his dying day. He gets super excited when I cook good food. When he especially likes the way something tastes, he’ll want you to have some, too. He doesn’t understand why people clapped for him when he walked through an airport with his uniform on because he feels he did “nothing special.” He adores dogs and babies. He can be so gentle and nurturing. His cheeks are always rosy & his long eyelashes can melt you. He’ll admittedly tell you that he can’t put an outfit together to save his life, so it’s a good thing he wears a uniform most of the time. He wants to make a difference in the world, by making himself a better person, and by helping others make better decisions. He’s passionate about what he loves. And he’d die for what he loves…his family & his country.

On top of all of that, he loves me. HE. LOVES. Me. He LOVES me just for being my rotten self. He doesn’t care that I have gained weight, or that I am neurotic about silly things, or change my hair color too much. He puts up with my messiness and my bossiness. He endures my side-seat driving and my innumerable questions. Why? Some days I still think to myself, “What have I done to deserve such an amazing man who loves me so much?”

One can only speculate. :)

I never want to lose the feeling of someone loving me unconditionally for me and all of me. I always want his hugs, his laugh, his smile, his kisses. I want his arms to hold me forever, his fingers to run through my hair, and even just his company to walk the dog or watch a movie together. I miss him when he’s not with me…even if it’s just when I go to work, or he’s out of town for a week. I feel like even when I am old & gray that I will STILL feel like I haven’t got enough time in this life to be with this man. My heart truly ached while he was overseas. My chest literally hurt with love and pain. I would not wish that hurt upon anyone…and the ache is seeping back again.

Jake will sign papers again on Friday to re-enlist.